Sometimes you see that bright light on the horizon and you don’t know what to think. Is is the shining light of opportunity with a bright, shiny promise of better things, or is it the headlights of a rapidly approaching vehicle come to knock you on your rump? Fun question to ponder though isn’t it?
The last few weeks have been filled with dread for me because I have one of those lights on my horizon. Tax time is coming up, and I have been very afraid that we wouldn’t be seeing much of a refund this year. Getting a refund is critical to my going back to school and finally finishing my degree. I don’t have far to go, having only 13 credits left to earn before I finally finish my two year degree completion program that I started back before the twins were born. For those doing the math this program has taken me well over four years so far, and I am hoping to finally finish before it turns into five years.
At that same time, part of me has been dreading that there would be enough of a refund for me to go back to school. It has been a long, hard battle to get this far, and I am ready to be done. At this point I almost don’t care whether I finish or not.
Kicker is, whether I finish or not, I am still faced with a ton of student loan debt that frankly, we can’t afford to repay right now. Originally, when I was working for the bank, our goal was for me to have been promoted into a position that would have given us the necessary income to pay for the loans that I was taking out to pay for my education. Had everything gone to plan this wouldn’t be a pair of headlights rushing at me. Instead fate took a different turn, I was unemployed for over two years, and now I am starting over again with a new company. My income is nothing like it was, and until I get this degree I don’t see a huge opportunity for advancement. Granted, as was the case at the bank, most supervisors that I see on the floor are actively doing coursework at their desks as they start down the same path I am so close to finishing, but I still have to put in my time and earn respect and prove myself before I can be considered for anything of that nature.
See those headlights? Frankly, right now, that is what they look like to me. I know that opportunity lies behind them, but they pack a huge amount of weight and I don’t know how to stand up to it.