I thought I was being paranoid when I got this creeping feeling that my job was in danger earlier this week. I guess I was not being paranoid after all. Today, while the rest of my now former co-workers were away in a meeting I was advised that I was not being extended a job offer and that my services were no longer needed.
The last month has been filled with good times and bad. I think that right now the bad times are weighing far heavier than the joy of the good times can offset. At the start of this period I was working full time and feeling quite good about myself for the first time in well over a year. I was working with a great team doing work that I really enjoyed with every belief that at the end of my trial period I would be offered a permanent position. We got to spend the holidays with both sides of the family, and a good time was had by all. We got to be present for some major Heathen observations as part of a great group of fellow Heathens, and were privileged to be present when two of them swore oaths of matrimony on Twelfth night, the culmination of the holiday season of Yule. Yes, some very good times, and ones that will live long in my memory.
However, overshadowing the entire holiday season was the very real threat of losing my children due to an anonymous complaint of potential neglect because we let the children run around naked outside. Add in the notification by our friends and landlords that they were going to have to sell the house that we are renting the basement unit in. Then, as if we didn’t have enough hanging over us the brakes on the car started to growl and bind on us without warning. We got the brakes fixed at the cost of being able to pay part of our rent, and had the repairs done in the nick of time as they were a hair’s breadth from failing catastrophically. Then we finally cleared things up with the case worker investigating the complaint and were advised that the case was being dismissed as unfounded. Things were starting to look up, and while we still had to deal with needing to find a place we were comfortable knowing that I was working which would make getting approved to move in someplace much easer than it would have been a few months ago when I was unemployed. Then it all came crashing down as I was called in and told that my services were no longer needed. No more job. No more reliable income.
Where do we go from here? We continue to move forward, even with the odds once more set against us. I do not know how it will all work out, but I know that it WILL work out in the long run. These trials are making us stronger even as they cause us pain. I refuse to give in to the desire to hide away from the world and nurse my wounds. I have a family of my own to support now and I cannot afford the luxury of this kind of behavior. I may not want to be strong, but I have a role that I must fulfill, and I refuse to let these setbacks keep me from doing what I have to do to protect and provide for my family.