Pivot Moment

This morning was a bit of a pivot moment for me. No, I don’t have a new job yet, or anything dramatic like that. No, today my heart broke as I left for work.

Last night had not been restful for any of us, and I have been pretty groggy since before I got out of bed. I suspect Sarah isn’t doing much better. So, both of the kids were awake when I left. Caulla was stretched out on the floor sucking on her bottle, and looking like she was starting to drift off to sleep. Tiernan was fussing, and crankily crawling around. I needed contact for some reason. I can’t explain the why, just that I needed to pick him up. I gave him a good hug, told him that I loved him, and kissed the top of his head before putting him back on the floor beside Sarah. Then I grabbed my lunch and headed to the door. As I opened the door I looked back and saw Tiernan crawling after me just as Sarah commented on him crawling after me.

That was the moment my heart broke. The absolute last thing I wanted to do right then was go to work. All I wanted to do was hold my son, the son who was following his daddy to the door. Even now I am getting choked up thinking about it.

So why was this a pivot moment? It is a pivot moment because Tiernan and I have never really bonded all that well, and to have him follow me to the door…that signified a change to me, a change in our relationship as father and son. Those who have been there probably know exactly what I am talking about, and I hope that my meager words can help those who haven’t been there themselves see why it was so special to me.


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Filed under Baby Stuff, Children, Fatherhood

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