Life certainly has a way of throwing all kinds of curve balls in your direction. Last week I was pretty deep into depression, dealing with the emotional backlash of being a new father. I had read that this was a possibility, but reading about something and having it crash down around your ears is something else entirely. I was not prepared for the intensity of what I was feeling, and my habit of being super self-critical threw me into quite the tailspin.
To make things even worse I wasn’t talking to Sarah about what I was feeling because I didn’t want to add to her burden. Ironically, on the day when I was deepest into my depression I had a revelation, and I realized that by not talking to Sarah I was still adding to her burden, making it worse rather than better since she would now be worried about why I wasn’t talking to her. So in my effort to not add to her burden I still added…rather counterproductive, don’t you think?
So, I broke down and talked to Sarah, telling her everything that I had been dealing with. Neither of us had a lot of energy, but we spent what we had in talking about things, and that seems to have been the breaking point for my depression. I still fight with little bits of it, but for the most part I seem to be clear of the worst of things. So now I can concentrate more on being a good father…and that is a full time job!